erm?

the NUS-Tutorial day

2010-10-26T21:40:00.004+08:00

YESTERDAY was skin lesions day. i had a grey's anatomy moment kinda while talking to this old lady who c/o stomach pains. when we wanted to check her lower limbs for pitting oedema we were shocked to find that she had very uber serious lymphoedema in her left leg. and she didn't even seem bothered by it. it was one of those moments where "oh my god" could've accidentally slipped out of your mouth, but u find yourself thanking God that it really didn't. later we found out she has functional dementia, explains why she wasn't quite bothered. then in the A& E i had to talk to this seemingly confused uncle who couldn't stop scratching his legs, and he bled from the scratching.

anw so today was NUS-Tutorial day. i took a really long bus ride to sgh, was almost late for the tute but thankfully i arrived earlier than the doctor. this was the best Radiology class i ever had (not that i had many, just that i finally understood certain things that my sch nvr taught me before). so i thought i'd write what i learnt over here.

The following are with regards to either CXR, CT Scan or HRCT:

> hyperinflation of the lungs on CXR

-seen as flattening of the the diaphragm or

-length of more than 6 anterior ribs

>enlarged hilar opacities

-decide if it is a VESSEL or a MASS

-branching opacities are likely to be arteries

>Eisenmenger complex

-Eisenmenger syndrome occurs in patients with large congenital cardiac or surgically created extracardiac left-to-right shunts. These shunts initially cause increased pulmonary blood flow. Subsequently, usually before puberty, pulmonary vascular disease causes pulmonary hypertension, ultimately resulting in reversed or bidirectional shunt flow with variable degrees of cyanosis. (frm emedicine)

-eg. ASD, VSD, PDA

>Bronchiolitis

-inflammation of the small airways

-on expiration, airways collapse

>Fluid from lungs (effusion)

-note the colour

-note whether it is transudative or exudative

TRANSUDATIVE: free flowing, dependent on gravity, e.g. in heart failure

EXUDATIVE: loculated, i.e. the effusion is fixed, not free flowing, not dependent. e.g. inflammatory, infective causes.

>Mesothelioma

-in the pleura

-gives a bumpy appearance on CXR

> Tracheal shift

-compare the medial end of the clavicle with the spinous process

TB will exert a PULL on the trachea

EFFUSION will PUSH

>A decubitus film is used to demonstrate free flowing effusion

> the commonest cause of upper lobe fibrosis is TB

-other causes: interstitial fibrosis (inhaled) e.g. Extrinsic Alveolar Pneumonitis

>Blebs/Bullae

-Blebs are small bullae

-what are bullae? they are thin walled sacs, more than 2cm. walls are almost "pencil-thin"

>Consolidation vs Fibrosis

healing

-consolidation-------------------------------->fibrosis

-CONSOLIDATION:

~lungs secrete stuff

~ no sig. decrease in volume

~ no mediastinal shift

-FIBROSIS

~scarring

~loss of vol.

~ scarring PULLS

~mediastinal/tracheal shift

- so the 2 key questions are:

~is there a shift?

~is there loss of volume?

-consolidation is DENSER than fibrosis. fibrosis tends to be seen as lines rather than opacification

>How to know from HRCT/CT that TB is active?

- can see cavitations

-if it's an old TB, there would be fibrosis

>"fluffy changes" in CT/HRCT

- means alveoli are pathologically filled with pus

- i.e. acute TB

> In a normal CXR

-lung markings are BLOOD VESSELS

- the only airways visible are the larger airways like trachea & main bronchi

> Post-TB sequelae

- upper lobe fibrosis

- fine lines

-loss of volume

> Bronchiectasis

- erect film: pus falls to the bottom of airways, you see a crescent thickening (dependent)

>Blunting of costophrenic angle--> effusion

>Consolidation: very dense, cannot see vessels

>ground glass appearance (HRCT): denser than normal but less than than consolidation, and can see vessels. this means there is alveolitis (idiopathic, drug related, allergy)

> Acute Pulmonary embolism

- seen on the CT scan--> contrast surrounds the thrombus

OK end of Radiology Tutorial. There was a renal tutorial too but i'm too lazy to type it out. maybe another day! :) goodnight then..

sigh

2010-09-29T17:17:00.002+08:00

do you know what it's like to sit at home the whole day and do nothing?

i feel like the most unproductive person in the world.

and this has to go on for the next 5 months. =(

i'm dying.

people say..treasure your holiday, you'll never get another chance like this. they say: at least you don't have to study, like me.

Firstly, what holiday? is this your idea of a holiday?

Secondly, honestly i'd rather be studying, moving forward at least.

my brain is degenerating. argh. i need to force myself to do something so my brain doesn't degenerate into oblivion by the time i realise i need it for school.

anw i went to JB yesterday, it felt real nostalgic to be back in malaysia. even though it's not entirely the same as KL, but it smelt the same, people talked the same..we went to the bread shop Lavender and mom bought charcoal bread. really reminded me of the time where shawn visited KL and we went to buy bread cos he was afraid we'd get hungry at night. i miss him so much.

xoxo :) i love you

the truth

2010-09-27T00:57:00.002+08:00

wanna know the truth?

how many times must i say i'm sorry for you to know i'm really really sorry

i hate it when this happens you know

sometimes i wished i could just disappear so i can feel that feeling again, the feeling that you desperately want me and you just don't want me to go away. so the truth is, i want to disappear. if i really do, will you still come and find me?

so i really wanna know, do i still mean as much to u as 5 months ago? maybe i do, but i just don't feel it anymore.

cheryl

SCREW IT

2010-09-06T23:52:00.002+08:00

SCREW ALL THIS

i should just go jump off a building.

i hate your attitude. JERK.

SHIT MAN

2010-09-06T22:35:00.002+08:00

WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?

I CAN'T STAND IT

i don't even know why you react like that sometimes

like everything is my fault.

and i can't even show that i'm angry

why?

cos you'll get angrier

and we'll end up fighting

and you rarely ever want to apologize

or make things better

shit man

T2DM

2010-07-29T17:10:00.002+08:00

Type 2 Diabetes Mellitus

ADA (American Diabetes Association) Guidelines:

Step 1

at diagnosis, advice change in lifestyle + metformin

Step 2

either:

Lifestyle + metformin +basal insulin OR

Lifestyle + metformin+ sulphonylurea

Step 3

Lifestyle + metformin + intensive insulin or bolus insulin

frm Harrisons Manual of Medicine:

A reasonable algorithm for initial therapy proposes Metformin as initial therapy. Why?

*its efficacy-- 1-2% decrease in HbA1c

*known side effect profile

*relatively low cost

*promotes weight loss

*lowers insulin levels (?increased insulin action on muscle and fat)

*improves lipid profile slightly

*does NOT cause hypoglycaemia when used as monotherapy

therefore it is the drug of choice in T2DM

Metformin is c/i in:

- renal insufficiency

- congestive heart failure

- any form of acidosis

- liver disease

- severe hypoxia

*should be temporarily discontinued in pts who are seriously ill or receiving radiographic contrast material

is today gonna be productive?

2010-07-24T11:16:00.002+08:00

it's another 130 days till I can see you again. thinking about it this way is definitely depressing. or I could say 18 weeks and 4 days. still wouldnt make a difference.. argh no use thinking about it :( well i hope today would be a productive day, need to read up on young hypertensives and prostate cancer. wooohooo gotta psych myself up ZZZ

feels good to be home

2010-06-22T22:57:00.002+08:00

you're leaving in about 3 weeks. thats so little time left to see you, feel you, laugh with you. whenever i think about it, i get this feeling like smth's stuck in my throat..feel like crying =( though it's just 5 months, you're right, to me it's like forever. just when i'm getting used to having you around, you'd be going away. i don't like to hear you talk about it, or anyone for that matter. as if not hearing it would mean the fact doesn't exist that you're going away. i just want to hang on to you a little longer..

what am i gonna do without you?

i'm really scared.

even now, i miss you whenever we say goodbye. whenever you put down the phone. i miss you even though you're next to me. how much more would i miss you when you're 6000 kilometers away from me?

omg that thing in my throat is coming back. =( help

dooooooom

2010-06-06T18:02:00.002+08:00

things to do before 1 a.m. tonight:

finish up GA + Sedative Hypnotics

flip through renal (BPH**)

dinner

flip through repro (testicular cancer**)

bathe

flip through endocrine

read all pbls

read thalassaemia***

omg.

focus.

2010-06-04T23:05:00.001+08:00

i should be studying.

but..... =( i wished u weren't going. sigh.

ok now snap out of it. emo now= EOS fail

yesterday

2010-06-04T01:48:00.002+08:00

i saw a butterfly flutter around my kitchen while i was studying at the dining area. i was so positive it was a butterfly and not a moth, it was white and the way it flew, was so much like butterfly. i thought it was beautiful. but i also noticed how crazy it was about the kitchen light. it couldn't stop flying up there. then it came closer and got crazy about the dining light. it flew right into the ceiling fan and ended up on the floor..i think it was only slightly injured. i got a closer look at it, still believing it was a butterfly. then i realised, what a good disguise. moth in butterfly's clothing. the strong white moth was not defeated, it flew right up to the light again and got hit by the ceiling fan within seconds. it did that a total of three times. now i was beginning to see..nope not a butterfly, but a moth. it was distracting me. i was getting afraid that it would fly into my face or something.. i gave it a while to escape through the kitchen windows or out through the balcony but it didn't. so when it flew into the ceiling fan and got shot down to the floor, i grabbed some newspaper, and i killed it. i KILLED it. no mercy. cold blooded killing. i destroyed its wings. even the ceiling fan couldn't destroy those delicate wings. but i smashed those wings on purpose. i saw it struggle on the floor..still alive and trying to fly. but i just left it to die. i wouldn't even put it out of its misery.

what kind of person am i? would i have let it live if it were really a beautiful white butterfly?

a day of firsts

2010-05-29T23:39:00.001+08:00

It's scary to know how screwed up i really am.

day 3

2010-05-13T16:18:00.004+08:00

This is cheryl choong reporting live from Day THREE of social isolation i.e. going home straight after class to study for exams/avoid things you don't wanna see/avoid noise in the library.

so far, this social isolation thing has worked well for me..thanks to my housemates ceci and charlotte and their friend ming yew, who so graciously let me share the dining area with them to study.

i can't wait for tomorrow!!! cos i'll be flying home to land of PEACE, the land of mom's cooking, the land of SKY! wheeee home sweet home man. and i get to see shawn =) (p.s. not forgetting, it's the land where internet connection isn't disrupted when you have slight rain/thunder/lightning)so yeah gotta go back to studying physiology of vision, to which i have zero understanding, and i seriously can't picture how the biconcave and convex lenses help to correct myopia and hyperopia.

this week

2010-05-11T22:10:00.002+08:00

This week has been very bad so far. if you add the weekend that has just gone by, i'd say it has been a very very bad 4 days. i had so much inner conflict with myself i feel so exhausted, mentally. can even see my eyebags getting worse. =(

anyway i hope tmr will be a better day.

if i don't see it, maybe it won't affect me.

baring-teeth-smiley

2010-04-04T20:53:00.002+08:00

I felt the sudden urge to write here again, don't know why.

tmr's the start of the last week of MSK. and i've forgotten everything that i've studied in the past 4 weeks. that SUCKS big time. and i haven't revised sem3 and 4 ): help me God please help me to remember the stuff i study if not i'll fail EOS5 and i have to stay here another semester. ): now that would really really really SUCK.

things to do tonight:

*print out notes for the week

*study vertebral column

*possibly read papa patho on peripheral neuropathy

*sleep early (not quite possible)

i wanna tell the whole world about us.

well i hope you're ok today

please be ok

My first post of 2010

2010-04-02T20:44:00.002+08:00

As much as I want this first post to be a happy one. I guess i only write here when i have extremes of emotions. Today i spent my day studying in the library, stressing over the notes and having the stupid comm med report at the back of my mind. I went for a run in the evening, and somehow the increased cortisol levels from all the stress helped me to run almost effortlessly and even after 6 rounds round the lake i felt like i could still go on. this doesn't usually happen!

Mom called me today. wasn't really that pleasant to hear the things going on over there in Singapore. Wished i could be there, mom. wished i could help you make things better.

It's good friday, and my NCA didn't have service so i'm here stressing again over the comm med report. and eating stupid salty fried rice with chicken wing. happy village delivery calls it "singapore fried rice". how is this even remotely singaporean? :( I WANT TO GO HOME NOW... :'(

you won't be here to talk to me tonight. :( how am i gonna survive this long and treacherous night without you? i don't like this feeling. missing you and at the same time knowing i can't do anything about it.

yet again, i just want to dig a hole and hide inside forever.

tell you something

2009-12-14T21:03:00.000+08:00

i don't want to wake up tomorrow if you're not next to me.

pain is real

2009-12-08T22:56:00.002+08:00

i never knew that i could feel so much pain. i thought that without you, there would be nothing left of my heart and i'd just die. or stop breathing. that would be so much better, wouldn't it? right now i feel like i'm living with a big gaping wound with a million pain receptors firing off impulses back to my brain. i'm in such tremendous pain i really can't quite describe it. i wished you'd just call, or text, or leave me a note, anything would do. as long as i know that you still give a damn about me. because i feel like i'm the crazy one, i feel like everything's out of control. nothing in the world can take my mind off you. i've tried so many things just to distract myself. but you linger at the back of my mind, and i can't stop thinking of you. please. please help me. you're the only one that can.

wrong time for fireworks

2009-12-06T23:42:00.001+08:00

It's only been a few hours..

but i really miss you.

help me..what do i do now?

I MISS YOU dammit

why.

2009-12-01T16:10:00.003+08:00

Trust is something that's so valuable. but clearly, it's something you know nothing about.

don't EVER believe that there is even one good person in this world. because if you do, you're truly truly wrong.

i need to sleep

2009-11-30T01:14:00.000+08:00

The mind is a dangerous place.

yikes!

Treasure this

2009-11-29T00:40:00.003+08:00

I'm back here, after the exams.. It was okay, didn't think i did as well as i wanted to, but at least i think i tried my best.

This entry is dedicated to wc, since you didn't come gallivanting the streets of KL with us today :)

Today I went to Bukit Bintang with ManLo and Tim. We walked from the monorail station to Pavillion and stopped by an underground foodcourt to check out the food there and to see if we wanted to have lunch there. The deco/theme of the underground foodcourt was pretty nice but we felt kinda cramped up in there, plus there was so many stalls to choose from, not that any of it looked particularly fantastic. So we decided to move on and make our way to Pavillion.

When we got there, the first thing i noticed about the place was the decorations. It was all so Christmas-y, they were playing christmas carols, and having a fashion show among huge, overly decorated christmas trees. Everything was so grand.

Christmas is really just round the corner, which means another year has just gone by. WOW it did not feel like one year since the last christmas. To be honest, i don't really like this time of the year, although it's practically everybody's favourite festive season. A lot of people i know spend Christmas with their families, just being together celebrating, and actually feeling the warmth that comes with knowing that's exactly where you want to be. But this season isn't a season of festive cheer for me. Because of YOU. you don't treasure what you have. You're there, but your mind's not there, you'd rather be somewhere else. Somewhere that you don't have to pretend. Either that, or you're not there at all. i really don't know which is worse.

I don't know, should i even hope this year would be different?

Countdown to Summative 4: 2 days

2009-11-24T00:03:00.002+08:00

So i decided to update this blog more often, but CHERYL you're insane, why are you writing here when you still have HEAPS to study?? goodness.....

today was by far my most productive day, i finished 11 lectures so far. might be too little for some pple but for me, it's a huge achievement man. the past few days have been so slow-moving that saying today was good progress would be a total understatement.

I actually have a list of shows that i want to watch after thursday:

* 2012

* New Moon

* A Beautiful Mind

* The Ugly Truth

* Grey's Anatomy Season 6

* House M.D. Season 6

* Gossip Girl Season 3 !!!!

I think i'll become a couch potato, probably put on lots of weight and become unrecognisable by the time i go back to singapore. NOOOO that can't happen. need to exercise and lose that fat. *shudders*

ok back to Cystic Diseases of the Kidney.

i'll be back AFTER the exam. :)

Back!

2009-11-21T20:37:00.001+08:00

ok my last post was may11th of this year. after logging in i found that my old greenish blog template was totally wiped out because the person that's hosting the blogskin has been inactive for more than 90 days. haha

so summative 4 is in..5 days. and after that no more exams that are counted for PMS matching. woohooo..which means after this coming thursday, i'll be celebrating UBER MAJORLY. yay..

and i must update this blog more often.

ok dunno what to say alr

scared

2009-05-11T17:33:00.003+08:00

i'm scared to even think what i really am
what should i do?
help me please, God
life would be so much easier if it just ended itself.

i'd rather die than to be caught up in these tangles.
i'd rather die than to be psychotic

some thoughts

2009-05-10T17:26:00.002+08:00

I was supposed to study at home the entire day today. But it's 5.27pm already and i have only done 2 lectures and read some stuff on hepatitis A virus so far. I was semi-watching Twilight for the third time .. i just can't get enough of the romance and sweetness. BUT this means i've been procrastinating on my studies. I really should buck up. i know nothing abt haematology, other than the fact that i still have 27 lectures or so of it to go.

my internet is getting on my nerves and it is a MIRACLE i'm actually writing this right now cos the connection was so shaky all afternoon.

i'm supposed to go out for dinner in half an hour but i'm feel super lazy and just feel like staying at home to study even though i know i might not get anything done but at least i'd feel better because i know i made an effort to stay home? one of those make-yourself-feel-better things. But i'm gonna go out with wc and his family for dinner.. Mothers' Day thing. actually i think it's really sweet of them to invite me, maybe it's cos they know i can't celebrate it with my mom..so yeah this is the 2nd mothers' day that i'm having a meal with them. at the same time, i don't know if i'm like..invading their family space or something. i really don't wanna impose on them or take away their family time together. it's all really confusing for me. :S

the other day i went on facebook and i found that one of my friends just got engaged. i was thinking "wow she's so young".. but then i realised..she's 3 or 4 years older than i am.. and yea, most people get married by 25 or 26 years old. that's pretty normal.

i was thinking abt myself, wondering when i'll ever get married. this isn't the sorta thing i should be worried abt right now. but it just got me thinking.. i'm gonna graduate when i'm 25 yrs old. (if all goes well). then i still have to further my studies to specialise in something. by the time that's done..i'd probably be 28 or 29? i'll most probably have to spend a fews years earning some money and possibly paying my dad back for the amount he put in for my education. it's crazy..by the time i'm ready to get married i'd be 33? GOSH that is old. and how abt a family? kids? i've always wanted to be a mother.. man. i don't even think that's possible now.

I never realised how much i had to sacrifice being in the medical profession. what can i do? i'm already one foot into it. i'd probably never understand until i actually start working. by that time, i'd already be knee-high into this..there's no turning back. but i don't regret it. it's just..i never realised the amount of sacrifice there was to it u know? i'd be working my ass off..well i really hope it's worth it.

anyway, let's bring my thoughts back to summative 3B shall we? haha no point worrying abt the things that are so far away. focus on the NOTES... the annoying notes. i have to start getting those info into my head in order to get the grades that i need. zzzz gtg change for dinner now.

love letter

2009-05-03T21:50:00.004+08:00

it was labour day, and while everyone took a day off from work, you came and cleaned my toilet and my dusty fan. do you know how much i appreciate you? that was the sweetest thing anyone has done for me.. i'm really touched, darling. you even took me to eat my favourite korean food on the same day. i know that you're really trying to make me happy. and i just want you to know that i won't forget these things you've done for me..or erase them if i get angry at you.

even if we can't think about forever just yet
even if we cannot make things go according to our plan
even if we don't know where life will bring us
we can still enjoy every moment spent together
we should. because we have nothing to lose.

love, cheryl

do i only blog when i'm all emotional?

2009-03-19T23:07:00.002+08:00

i've been on the same lecture notes for at least 2 hours. i'm so distracted!
anyway, this week has been better, not MUCH better, but at least i'm not feeling as depressed as the past 3-4weeks.

i have pretty much diagnosed a cancer in my life. it's eating away at my happiness and eating away at the REAL ME. i need to find that part of me and get it back for myself. i keep blaming it on the environment, this country, this place, this school, and the people around me. but maybe, it's just me. i need to be myself no matter where i am. the lousy environment is not an excuse.

it's been really hard going through whatever i'm going through. because i guess no one really understands my position. it's hard to find someone who thinks exactly the same way as i do, and acts the same way. which is why no one would really understand. on the surface, my life seems pretty good. on the surface, i look like i'm happy. on the surface, it looks like i don't care. but u know what? that's ON THE SURFACE. i really do care, i really feel hurt at times, and i really am NOT happy. but really? who the heck owes me a living? no one. seriously no one. i owe it to myself to be happy and enjoy this life. i should stop complaining and just freakin enjoy this time of my life. how often do i get to be 20, young and studying something i love so much? why do i need to be affected by all this shinanigans and crap around me?

and therefore that being said, i'm going to try and learn to look forward to everyday. i will still hold on to that motto: it only matters until you say it does. and right now, it matters, but soon..it won't matter anymore.

give me a damn reason to stay

2009-03-07T01:37:00.002+08:00

afraid to move
afraid to speak,
afraid to look,
afraid to ask
afraid to even wonder.
afraid of changed
afraid because it's probably me.
afraid to hold on
afraid to lose
for the fear of losing something extra special.
afraid to know
because i might hear something i don't like.
i live in fear
because this earth is doomed.
I can't wait to move away.

some say life is too short,
that you don't have enough time,
to savor the pleasures in it.
maybe it wouldn't hurt to just
let go of the pleasures
so you could grab a little more of Heaven.

mid week complains

2009-03-04T23:38:00.002+08:00

i realised, when you're overseas studying, there are loads of stressors. i get homesick pretty easily. but it kinda helps the homesickness if you don't think about home. HOW CAN I NOT THINK ABOUT HOME?
home is the place where i get to see my family everyday
home is the place where i get to eat mummy's awesome food everyday
home is the place where i can hug sky whenever i want
home is the place where i can take the bus wherever i want without fear of being raped/killed/kidnapped
it's the place where my life DOES NOT revolve around school and its activities
it's the place where i can get my ling yang fever remedy and green beans just by going out to tampines mall
it's where mummy boils barley water for me when i'm sick
it's where rachel tells me "don't cry, jie..i miss you too"
and it's where kor plays his electric guitar upstairs which i totally miss hearing
and where dad lies in front of the tv for hours
home is where the heart is
and it's definitely where i wanna be right now
so how can i NOT think about home?
home is where the heart is,

screw this.

2009-02-28T13:19:00.000+08:00

i just really feel like crying now.

i wanna be a bird

2009-02-17T21:16:00.003+08:00

when i woke up this morning, i had no idea how screwed up today was going to be. i thought it was a nice day to be nice to everyone. well it was, but it turned out different than i had imagined.

then rain came, it made the hot weather more bearable. and in some ways, it was comforting to hear the sound of rain. but it was this very same rain that semi-destroyed the flowers that i was sunning in my balcony.

i'm not the sort of person who knows how to take care of flowers, i don't know how to mend them. i let mold grow on them, i throw them away. i get new ones, i put one in the microwave with silica gel and let it shrivel up and die. well i really don't know how to care for flowers, or make them nice. i don't even have a vase to put them in. but i TRY VERY HARD, you see. i try my very best. is it my fault that after some time, they don't turn out as pretty as i hope? maybe. is it my fault that after some time, they dry up, and die on me? maybe.

but you know what? there are some things you can't really control in life. and one of them..is RAIN.

Coliseum Cafe

2009-02-14T14:30:00.003+08:00

I spent my Valentine's Day eve having Pathology Quiz.group members were thomas, tim and wc. it was fun! but now i know how much i need to BUCK UP in my studies. i got the marantic endocarditis question wrong :( damn! i was supposed to have "specialised" in valvular heart disease. and what is dresslers' syndrome.. what the!! ok whatever

anyway, after that, waicheong brought me to Coliseum Cafe for valentine's eve dinner. it's near the city..and the food is quite nice. a little pricey. Wc had the sizzling lamb..and i thought that was the dish of the night! it had a really nice juicy taste, and didn't have that weird lamb-ey smell that i hate. for someone (a.k.a. ME) who doesn't like lamb but can say it's nice..i think it really is good. i had some weird sounding fish fillet thing that camb with mashed potatoes. i thought it tasted a little like hor fun in a western way..cos it had chilli on top of the fish! but was served with semi-creamy sauce and mashed potatoes. nice fusion but it became quite awful once i was 3quarters full.

oh yeah! wc bought me TULIPS. it's so pretty.. supposedly they wither and turn brown after a few days. not like roses that can retain their colour. i don't know if that's true. but that's so sad :( that's why i kept taking photos of it to help me remember what they look like..

*finding the flowers in the car! so sweet of you, darling

*purple and red tulips-symbolize true love and royalty

*at Coliseum Cafe. dd doesn't like taking photos in public

so here i am on valentine's day studying disease of arteries and veins.
regarding the quiz yesterday, i went to read up on some things that i was blur about. i'm gonna write it here before i forget. too lazy to write on paper la.

According to Wikipedia,
Raynaud's Disease (Primary):
symptoms occur on their own, not accompanied by any other disease
Raynaud's Phenomenon (Secondary):
caused by conditions such as: Connective tissue disorders e.g. SLE; scleroderma; carpel tunnel syndrome, arthritis. unlike raynaud's disease, this condition CAN actually lead to necrosis and gangrene (why doesn't raynaud's disease cause necrosis and gangrene??? bleh i really dunno, maybe someone can tell me.)

Binswenger's Disease or Subcortical Leukoencephalopathy is a rare form of multi-infarct DEMENTIA caused by damage to white brain matter. It is characterized by loss of memory and intellectual function and by changes in mood. It is on of the neurological syndromes associated with hypertension.

Dressler's syndrome:
It is a form of pericarditis that occurs after an injury to the heart of pericardium. It consists of low grade fever, chest pain, pericardial friction rub and/or pericardial effusion. tends to occur weeks to months after myocardial infarction and subsides in a few days

Ok that's all for now.. Happy Valentine's Day everyone!

bye bye blues

2009-02-08T21:22:00.002+08:00

you know what, i'm so done being a complain-queen.
i really want to stop complaining about school/workload/people/my life/people ignoring me/curtains not fixed/no proper trash can in kitchen/bukit jalil being such a freakin horrible place to live in/me not having any leadership skills whatsoever/low self esteem/flabby arms/flabby tummy etc.

this life is mine, and only i can change my own outlook in life. the only person that can make every moment count from now on is ME. so here's the new optimistic ME.

i want to start being nice to people, as i've said before. i know i can do this. even without pretending that i super duper uber LURVVVVVVEEEEE everybody like o.m.g....you are SOOOO my bff, biatch! that kind of thing.

my boyfriend's shirt says: BE YOUR OWN. that's gonna be my motto from now on

i should stop using the computer

2009-02-07T11:19:00.002+08:00

anatomy is getting really tough
i'm stressed because i can't concentrate
and when i can't concentrate i can't remember
and when i can't remember i can't concentrate
:(
well the best part of this week was filming the orientation video, even though it was really tiring. but i dunno..i think it was the most fun i've had in terms of school activities after m108 orientation.
oh yea i don't know why i'm even trying to download house using vista internet. i guess i'm desperate. but it's really slooooooooooow. i'm at 42.3% already. i think it should finish in..say..15hours? haha

Best picture of the week! taken in LT1. or is it LT2?

just a thought

2009-02-03T16:36:00.002+08:00

it's actually frustrating to be studying in a country where there are so many terms and phrases you don't understand. ESPECIALLY when they discuss those things during PBL.

i don't know what exactly DBKL is, or SOCSO, or federal territory day..and before today, i never knew that the 7th day of chinese new year was the 1st day of chinese new year for the hokkiens. and i dunno why that would be such a big thing here. SO BIG.

learning while blogging

2009-02-02T15:30:00.004+08:00

I have to type this out before i throw away the scrap paper that i wrote this on:

HEART CYCLE

1. Atrial Systole (late ventricular filling, 30%)
--> S4 due to high-pressure atrial wave, reflected back from poorly compliant ventricle i.e. ventricular hypertrophy.
2. Isovolumetric contraction
-->S1 closure of AV valves
3. Ventricular ejection
4. Isovolumetric relaxation
-->S2 closure of pulmonary and aortic valves
5. Rapid ventricular filling
--> AV valves are open, and ventricles fill up with blood (70%)
-->S3 rapid rush of blood causing turbulence, tensing of chordae tendinae and AV ring
-->S3 can be physiological or pathological
-->physiological: caused by tautening of AV papillary muscles, in children/young people & due to VERY rapid diastolic filling
-->pathological: reduced ventricular compliance or increased atrial pressure. filling sound is produced even when diastolic filling is not especially rapid
6. Diastasis
-->ventricles continue to fill up

i love you

2009-01-28T23:47:00.003+08:00

that's what i'm gonna say each time i walk away from you. "I love you".
so that if i don't get to see you again, that'll be the last thing i say to you, sky.
i'm so scared that you'll leave me when i'm not here. i keep telling myself, sky loves me too much, she won't do that. but you really scared me the other day :( why do you have to grow old? why do you have to have such a short life? i'm so worried about you.

you love me no matter what i do. you love me for who i am.. you never ever hate me, even if i'm angry at you. you forgive instantly. you may be camera shy but you look so cute in photos. you are so easily satisfied by a tummy rub, a treat, a piece of apple, or when i brush you.

YOU MAKE ME SMILE.

don't you go away. please don't go away. i love you, and i'll do anything to make you stay with me.

SKY, you are my best friend. without you, i wouldn't be ME

extremes of emotion

2009-01-26T22:38:00.001+08:00

i figured that i'd rather listen to ANYTHING else other than the silence between you both.
i'd rather have ANYTHING else thrown in my face other than your non responsiveness

and more than ANYTHING, i want you to wake up

CNY in singapore

2009-01-25T10:16:00.004+08:00

It's a gift to be studying in KL even though the water supply is so sucky. but! i get to come home for chinese new year! that's the greatest thing ever..to spend it with my family. 2 days back here already and i've done so much shopping.. bought last minute new year clothes, and bought my curtains for the KL room. hehe..

mom and i on the way out to go to ikea/giant

in the car, as usual, trying to look cool in kor's aviator sunglasses

BUT!! this entry is not about me.. take a look at the next picture:

ok now a close up..

that's my sky!! you finally made it on the papers :) so proud of you! love you so so much!

triple fullstop

2009-01-13T23:49:00.002+08:00

let me tell you why i seriously don't like living in vista komanwel.
firstly, the name of the condo is spelt Komanwel with a K. what's wrong with just saying vista COMMONWEALTH?

secondly, i've never really been in a situation where my water supply gets cut off twice in a week, my toilet bowl leaks water from the bottom, the water spurts out from the tap occasionally thus giving me shocks every now and then. also, the heater is a little screwed up, so it roars from above me when i take a shower. i get hot water when it's in a good mood. but when it's not, it gives me alternating hot and cold water. hot water lasting for only about 3 seconds. even then, the water's at such a low pressure and small volume that i can't even wash my hair properly. sometimes it takes me more than 20 mins to take a shower that i'd normally finish in 10 mins.

thirdly, there are weird looking bugs around the room. including the freaky casebearer moth larva. when i see it moving across the wall, i get goosebumps. it's disgusting!

the fourth has to do with the malaysian internet system. SLOW, BAD CONNECTION, bad customer service. m-a-l-a-y-s-i-a. link it all up.. enough said.

the above is just my opinion, i'm in no way trying to cause political unrest

CONCENTRATE, cheryl

2009-01-13T10:46:00.002+08:00

i really need to focus. CVS is hard enough..and it doesn't help that i'm not concentrating..it's devastating that i have to start memorizing the antiarrhythmic drugs again. it sucks that i'm singled out yet again for being quiet during PBLs. WHYYYY? i've tried my best already..if i have nothing to say, i can't just speak rubbish right?

100% BAD WEEK

2009-01-10T14:58:00.002+08:00

why bother saying "maybe"or "might be" when what you mean is CONFIRMED?
why bother saying you want saturday church when eventually it's gonna turn out the same as sunday church?
why bother saying we'll attend FGA when eventually you and i know that we won't make it?
WHY BOTHER?
because you want to pacify me?
then DON'T BOTHER. because clearly your yes is never a yes and your no is always no.

so i should stop being such a child
so i shouldn't need pacifying
so i should just accept that i'm gonna be alone
and being alone isn't that bad

which brings me back to my point..i'm ALWAYS the bitch, the wrong one, the one who needs to be nicer. yea. maybe it's true after all

i can't be who you are

2009-01-06T22:38:00.002+08:00

Main Entry:

los·er
Pronunciation:: \ˈlü-zər\
Function:: noun

1: a person or thing that loses especially consistently
2: a person who is incompetent or unable to succeed ;
also : something doomed to fail or disappoint

based on the definition by Merriam-Webster Dictionary, i'm NOT a loser. but i sure do feel like one.. today.

think positive, cheryl. you zoom through this without getting all beaten up.

1st day of sem 3

2009-01-05T23:40:00.003+08:00

Since i can't quite get much of today's lecture into my head now.. i thought i'd just write here and go off to sleep. The lecture can wait till tmr morning. BUT i promise not to leave the lectures piling. NEVER!!

well just wanted to write that today's prayer meeting was such a great way to kick start the new semester.. just felt like God's presence was so real and he was accompanying me while i was feeling so homesick inside. i wanna be a prayer warrior!

oh and check out my new shoe rack. lol

going off to sleep now, bye!

night before last

2009-01-02T22:33:00.002+08:00

Life would be so much better without
-joint pains
-toothaches
-ulcers
and
-those INDIGESTION/GASTRIC/IBS problems!!!!

i've been battling my horrible GI system that for 2 nights. sure, it's a great way to lose weight. but it feel HORRIBLE. :(

anyway, i hope i don't exceed my baggage allowance tmr. i have a 15kg limit on the checked in baggage. (stupid budget carriers) and a normal 7kg hand carry allowance. grrrrrrr

ok better sleep early..i've gotta wake up early to bathe my beloved baby sky.

the new year doesn't feel any different

2009-01-01T12:52:00.004+08:00

My life's a drama. Really, it is..
last night's new year's countdown was dramatic beyond dramatic. i felt as if i was in the wrong place, wrong time, and the wrong era altogether. i was surrounded by people with the average age of at least 55 yrs old. the food was quite good, except that they served sharks fin soup as the 2nd dish of the night.

anyways, kor, rach and i were in a world of our own. i think we walked in and out of the ball room more than 5 times just to take a breather from all the craziness and veteran-ness.

at the end of the night..5 minutes before midnight..SURE i could feel the new year's countdown spirit..but it didn't have meaning to me. i don't know why.. mayb i'm just not into this thing very much. like kor said, this event just gives people the excuse to dress fancy..dance the night crazy..and have fun. not that any of that is wrong. but i'd rather celebrate it in other ways. other LESS dramatic ways. well that being said, i had a bit of fun at least. it wasn't that bad. here's some photos to remember the better parts of the night

happy to post a 2nd

2008-12-29T23:59:00.003+08:00

just felt like posting this up before i go to sleep.

here's a screenshot taken of me and waicheong webcamming. he looks like he's up to something.. haha:

Here's a picture i got off the net, it's cute. i can read it over and over and still crack up everytime.lol :

Beginning of the end

2008-12-29T17:04:00.007+08:00

So this is the beginning of the end of my holidays. 2 full days more and the year is over. 4 full days more and i'm back in KL. what have i accomplished this holiday? i certainly had a lot of fun..

I..
- watched more movies than i ever imagined i would
- watched 2 complete sets of korean drama series
- watched grey's anatomy & house online till the most updated episode
- had wc over for a week
- visited the doulos, the largest floating bookshop in the world
- went on the skylift & luge at sentosa
- watched songs of the sea at sentosa..which sucks in my opinion
- drank CANNED wine in my bedroom with wc. (HAHA)
- pulled weeds in the garden till i got terrible rashes
- enjoyed grooming my dog
- learnt how to make my own pizza
- learnt how to cook secret recipe's stir fried buckwheat noodles
- learnt how to drive a manual car!!
- cleared up my room, the bookshelf and the cupboard
- went jogging to ehub and back
- cycled from east coast beach to changi village to have dinner and cycled back with wc, tim and amanda :)
- went christmas shopping alone and bought an awesome speaker on the same day
- played the electric guitar

i did all of this...but did not get down to reading up for the next semester. how clever.

anyway, i hope the rest of the year goes well. it suddenly hit me that i'm gonna be 21 next year. whoa.

Welcome to MY life

2008-12-27T18:55:00.005+08:00

Do you ever feel like breaking down?
Do you ever feel out of place?
Like somehow you just don't belong
and no one understands you

No you don't know what it's like
when nothing feels alright
You don't know what it's like
to be like me..

To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
Feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
and no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like..
Welcome to my life

Do you wanna be somebody else?
Are you sick of feeling so left out?
Are you desperate to find something more?
Before your life is over?
Are you stuck inside a world you hate?
Are you sick of everyone around?
With their big fake smiles and stupid lies
While deep inside you're bleeding

No one ever lied straight to your face
And no one ever stabbed you in the back
You might think i'm happy but i'm not gonna be okay

Well that's how i really feel right now.
"to be hurt, to feel lost"
nobody quite understands.

sometimes i feel that loving you is a little like self mutilation. it's like stabbing myself. it's like inflicting self murder. the saddest thing is that tears no longer come out when i'm upset. i just stare and stare and stare at one place thinking about it. i really want to cry and get over it, but i just can't cry. i think my tears have run out. you stole the tears..and replaced them with FEARS.

It's christmas eve morning and i'm pretty annoyed because..

2008-12-24T08:13:00.002+08:00

(in order of annoyance)
1. I woke up early to confirm my 8.30 driving lesson because the instructor didn't call me yesterday to confirm. it was raining so he told me to call him right before i leave my house. so that's exactly what i did and he said, "oh raining today so i call you later if there's a slot in the afternoon". (A). why couldn't he just tell me that before i got change and was halfway through my breakfast, so at least i can go back to sleep?? (B). i'm not free later in the afternoon.

2. i couldn't quite sleep last night..woke up around 4.30 and talked to wc on the phone for a while..and tossed in bed till about 6 plus. and here i am, writing this at 8.19. i plan to go back to sleep for a while if i can.

3. a certain person just doesn't know HOW TO STOP! i think this is like the 3rd time i'm saying this or something. i wished that you could just have a little dignity. i know i don't have a real right to be angry like this. but your actions and behaviour really irk me. and i know..in the end i'd just be labelled the bad person. cos no one actually SEES what you're doing. maybe because your face spells out the word i-n-n-o-c-e-n-t. whatever.

4. i don't really know what i want anymore. but i know exactly what i SHOULD want. which is really really hard for me. sighhhhhh

5. i don't have adequate social skills

2 weeks more

2008-12-21T22:24:00.003+08:00

I'm waiting for my turn to shower so i decided to write here since i haven't been doing so for quite some time.

To sum up the past few days, city on a hill had our cell's my hope singapore yesterday night. and the turn out was really good..the whole house was filled. Praise the Lord! Rach and I led the games. it was the first time we were doing so..i think i kinda sucked at it. i can't speak in front of a group of people, even if my life depended on it! GRR i need to improve. i really do.

Today was Changi Baptist's combined christmas service. I was really really nervous for the item that we put up. But i must say really thank God that i didn't make any mistakes. i'm not a very steady guitar player..i get all messed up when i'm nervous. but ALL GLORY belongs to God! He steadied my hands and helped us in the song.. it was good..i think many people liked it.

Anyway, this entry is entitled 2 weeks more because i literally have less than 2 weeks left of my holiday to enjoy. after that, it's back to mugging every single day. STRESS! i'd much rather relax like this everyday. i'm not so excited about starting school next semester. i don't have a very good feeling about it. i don't know why.. ok maybe because the idea of doing cardiovascular system isn't that appealing to me. i could NEVER get the ECG. the heart is too complex..i really don't wanna study it!! argh. what a joke, cheryl. you're supposed to LIKE this. ask yourself, what are you studying man?

stress aside, i wanna put pictures of the best moments of my holiday up on my blog. here they are:

Heather and I at Hong Kong Cafe Cineleisure

Hazel and I at Starbucks
Mummy trying to do Sudoku. I love you, Mummy!
3 of us. :) Celebrating Dad's birthday at SIA club Aston's

LAST BUT NOT LEAST..

Waicheong and I at Clarke Quay :) (can't wait to see you!)

my leg hurts

2008-12-16T01:47:00.002+08:00

It's almost 2 a.m. already and even though i'm very very tired now, i don't have the mood to go and sleep. I'm severely upset and i can't seem to focus on anything else. the only thing i can do to distract myself a little is to read the ever-so-entertaining imucampus forum. it's really interesting how people have so much time to bicker. i really wouldn't be bothered if i were them. from a simple issue digressing to name calling and whatever. mostly i would sum it up into one sentence: most of them are just trying to sound all intellectual by using sophisticated english to put their complaint across. WHATEVER.

can't help sounding like a bitch now. i'm angry, sad, frustrated. ALL at one go.

you. YES YOU. you fail to realise that I am the girl. I get to throw the girly tantrums. I get to be pissed off when you don't know how to get yourself out of those situations. just BE A MAN already ok? it's really frustrating. i really don't know how to put this across to you.

stop
making
it
seem
like
i'm
freakin
torturing
you
or
something.
BE
A
MAN
for
goodness'
sake
dammmmiiiiiiiiit.

i don't know how else to vent my anger

My week

2008-12-12T23:59:00.002+08:00

I decided to write about my week while waiting for waicheong to come back online.

One thing i wanna mention would be my driving lessons. Well it's been really frustrating trying to book my instructor for lessons cos he's really busy and recently his car has to be used for students' driving tests. so previously he dumped me to another instructor mr X without telling me. It was a horrible lesson because he got very frustrated with me the first few times the engine stalled. and because his instructions were super vague, i frequently did the wrong things, causing him to swear in hokkien, thus making me feel like just getting out of the car. anyway he was asking irrelevant questions like "are you a nurse?" and making me feel uncomfortable by trying to be friendly in a very weird way. the worse thing was, he reached over to the steering wheel and did a U-turn without any warning. and after that, he said that he did it so as to scare me into being more serious. WHAT THE HELL.

So i decided that i won't let him teach me again. i spoke to my original instructor and thankfully i got him back for yesterday's lesson. it was a good lesson..i learnt a lot. then today he called me and asked if i could come down for a lesson at 3.30pm. Ok so i went..and when i got there..he called and said he saw me..told me to wait wherever i was. i didn't see him..so after 3 mins of waiting and looking stupid, i called him again and he refused to answer his phone. then some guy motioned me over to his car and said he'll be teaching me for today cos my instructor wasn't free. GREAT RIGHT. i totally felt cheated. i mean, why the heck u ask me to come ALL THE WAY to ubi from my house only to find out that you have assigned me to some other guy? wahlao... it's really not funny. i have to travel 1 hr to ubi and then have a tiring frustrating lesson with some guy and then travel 1 hr back home feeling so blooooody stupid. i hate this! screw him!!!!!!

next week i have 2 lessons scheduled already. if this time it's not my instructor teaching me, i'm really gonna quit on him and find another instructor who speaks english, and who's committed enough to teach me throughout. grr.

ok enough about driving lessons.

this week, mom and dad have been very very moody i don't know why..and small things irritate them. for no reason mom will start saying stuff, picking on us. and seriously i don't know what the big deal is about pulling the weeds in the garden. sometimes they don't see that i make an effort to stay home. all they can see/say is that i go out all the time. COME ON. do i go out everyday? noooooooooo. i make a conscious effort to plan my schedule such that i don't leave mom alone at home. such that when dad's playing golf on thursday i make sure i'm back for dinner so she won't have to eat by herself.

why don't they see it?

Earth Escapade: In support of Saving Our Sharks

2008-12-08T00:43:00.005+08:00

In year 2005, i spent my first 3 months of JC in St andrews. I remember the school showing us students a long video on sharks and how these beautiful creatures are becoming endangered. Asian people eat shark fin soup as a "delicacy", creating demand for specifically their FINS. A lot of illegal shark finning, whereby the sharks are poached without licensing. These people cut off the fins of the sharks and throw their remains back into seawater to let the sharks bleed to death. The main point put across in that video was to bring demand for sharks fin down to ZERO and stop shark finning. Not just the illegal ones but the so called legal shark finning too. There are so many reasons why killing sharks and endangering their species should be stopped. Too many details and reasons to be listed out here just as yet.

Since then, i've never looked at a bowl of sharks fin soup the same way as i did before watching the video. I made up my mind that i will NOT eat sharks fin soup again. I decided that NO WAY am i going to serve sharks fin soup at my wedding dinner, or anything like that. We have to put a stop to this cruel act! I've been trying to convince my family to give up sharks fin soup, but so far, no luck. I hope by being more proactive in this cause, i will be able to help at least in the slightest way.

Found this video on Youtube.. videos and pictures paint more than a thousand words.

Sharks fin has hardly any nutritional value, contrary to popular belief. Also, there are some people who think that eating it can help to cure cancer. I'm skeptical about that one..but i don't really have proof that it doesn't..YET.

Here's some stuff i found from the internet:

"Three notable species of shark are classified as Endangered: the Great White, Whale and Basking sharks. However, all shark species are at risk for population decline due to over-fishing to supply the global demand for shark products."
-www.wildaid.org

"Illegal shark finning has a detrimental impact on ocean ecosystems; sometimes with a direct impact on fish stocks. Many sharks are top predators and as such their eating habits keep the structure and species composition of marine ecosystems in balance. Removal of sharks from an ecosystem can have complicated and unexpected results. For example, it has been found that the removal of tiger sharks from a tropical ecosystem resulted in a decline in the tuna population. The decline was because the sharks had kept populations of other predators of tuna in check."
-http://oceans.greenpeace.org

Just want to say that many people consume sharks fin soup just for the sake of it. Sure, it tastes good. But deep down, don't you think people do it more for the sake of flaunting their wealth? The mentality that "I can afford it, so i should enjoy this luxury". Basically, eating sharks fin soup helps people to satisfy their vanity..much like buying a branded watch or a LV bag. A status symbol. Cos if it's just taste they're after, many many other dishes out there can mimic it. (check this out-vegetarian sharks fin soup) It's just the satisfaction of eating it and feeling good for the moment.

Last but not least, please help to put a stop to shark finning! Take the No Shark Fin Plege here: https://community.hsus.org/campaign/hsi_ind_shark_fin_pledge
All you have to do is to fill in your name, email, address and state your country. and of course, STOP eating sharks fin and look for better, less cruel alternatives. =) Let's save our sharks together. REMEMBER: when there's no demand, there won't be a need to kill sharks anymore.

On a night like this

2008-11-23T23:01:00.002+08:00

Today is our anniversary. but i can't even talk to you..the internet is like that..always making a fool of me when it comes to anniversaries and we can't even hang out, not even online. ARGH.

GIVE ME A BREAK MAN, SERIOUSLY.

i'm getting so sick of this world. i hate everything and everyone around me. i'm like SO ANGRY. and talking about it doesn't help.

but what the hell. i think.. of everyone in the whole wide world, the person i hate the most is myself. screw you, cheryl choong. just go away.

A letter

2008-11-17T23:26:00.003+08:00

This letter is for you..
we love you so much, I love you so much. No matter what you've done, no matter what happened, i still love you. It makes me regret the things i've said out of anger..the things that probably hurt you. But i really love you. and i'm sorry.

I don't care about the past, all i care is that you stay healthy and don't get sick. All i ask is that you give God a chance, since He gave you a chance.

Life can be so fragile..i know you know that. But God is the giver of life, he is the Healer. and i know He loves you.

A part of me just wants to go and give you a big hug and tell you I'm really glad that you're alright. Thank you for the many things you've done for me, and giving me so much.

I want to make you proud of me..I want to study hard and be a good doctor for you. Cos i know that it will bring a smile to your face.

I love you, daddy.

HELLO

2008-11-15T11:46:00.001+08:00

HELLO HELLO i'm glad i passed my exam. Yay.
and i won't be able to see DD for 6 weeks. =(

POST EXAM blues

2008-11-11T17:03:00.002+08:00

Can't tell anyone
Can't say anything.

Where's the tipping point? i'm so close to being crazy

it's YOU, you just don't know how to stop. i can't even say anything.
and everyone..just treats me like i don't exist. talk to me only when you need to.

i just want to go home

EXAMS STINK.

2008-10-11T13:39:00.003+08:00

I am so stressed.
My heart literally beats faster than normal at the mere mention of summative 2 and EOS.

I think, I'm not putting enough effort into this.

Stealing is pathetic

2008-09-30T10:38:00.003+08:00

On the 27th of Sept, i lost my mp3 player. At first i thought that it probably was just my carelessness and that i would eventually find it in some corner of my room. But NO, i didn't find it. Because somebody somewhere somehow took it and didn't want to return it to me. I don't know how, yes it was carelessness on my part not to keep an eye on it. But it also proves how someone can be so lowly as to take what is not theirs.

So here's to the thief:

The Lord says, "Thou shall not steal". He wasn't joking. He wasn't saying "sure, you can steal, just don't steal expensive things ok?" He clearly said don't take what isn't yours. Stealing is the most pathetic way of getting what you want in life. you want something, you have to work for it. Stealing just proves you want the easy way out. If you think no one was watching you when you took what was mine, you're so wrong. Because God was definitely watching your every action, your every thought that led you to that decision to take my mp3 player.

I am angry. and saddened. not because my mp3 player is expensive or anything. but because my parents bought it for me and it means a lot to me. i have used it for only 3 weeks. and now it's gone. it makes me very ANGRY. But i am not going to condemn you to a lifetime of eternal unrest. Because that isn't my job to do. All i can say is, whatever you decide to do with it, i hope you derive the maximum pleasure from it. If you are a cleaner/guard, sure you probably could listen to the songs inside for what, 10 hours max..and then the battery would run out and you'd have to buy a new cable to charge it. But the songs inside are mostly english and korean, why would you want to listen to it? So mayb you'd want to sell it. But who would buy it? It probably isn't even on sale in malaysia yet you GOONDOO. Lets say you really managed to sell it to a karang guni or something. The max you get is mayb Rm50. so i guess that's good enough for you to buy your kids each a nice happy meal and have a nice dinner at home. OK whatever makes you happy.

Whoever you are, i pray that God will convict you and you'd someday return it to me. I can just hope that a kind hearted soul picked it up and decided to hand it over to lost and found. My photos are inside there, if you see and recognise who i am but still don't return it to me, then that's just REALLY REALLY SICK.

This might be just a small issue, but i've learnt that i have to be extra careful with my belongings from now on. because this school isnt a safe place. A lot of people don't actually have MORALS. and CONSCIENCE. This is Malaysia man, not happy Singapore where everyone can be trusted to do the right thing.

So anyway, in memory of "MissIng" my creative zen, bye for now, i'm gonna miss you.

Another bad day that rectified itself

2008-09-25T19:39:00.005+08:00

I think i shouldn't just write entries on bad days, it's bad for me.

I had a bad night, couldn't sleep much cos i was coughing the whole time. When i was finally too tired to even cough, it was already 6 in the morning. I woke up around 7plus and stupidly snoozed and luckily woke up at 7.50 to rush to school for my 8am CSU session. I don't know how i made it, but thank God i got to school at 8.15.

During CSU, the lecturer just HAD to pick me to show how to palpate the peripheral pulses of the lower limb. She hadn't even explained anything yet! I didn't even know what the 4 pulses of the lower limb were called. sooo embarrassing. I read up last night, but i guess the names just didn't go into my head. NOW i know. dorsalis pedis, posterior tibial, femoral and popliteal.

Then i went to study with amanda and timothy in the pbl room. was trying to sleep when my mp3 player hung. i had no idea how to reset the thing until more than an hour later. meanwhile, i was totally getting stressed out because i realised i couldn't remember my autonomic pharmacology at all. DO YOU KNOW HOW FRIGGIN FRUSTRATING THAT IS???

I guess i was just pushed off the edge by what happened later on that afternoon. On its own i think it wasn't worth spoiling my day. But together with everything that happened, it was just ANNOYING plus plus plus (GST, service tax and tourism tax all in) Don't say i know everything when i don't. Don't make your friends feel guilty for studying when a student's job is TO STUDY.

Anyway, what made my day better was surprisingly...cleaning my kitchen! It's strange, how cleaning the house is actually really really therapeutic. But the kitchen was very disgustingly dirty. My pack of rice had rice mites (or whatever) in them, and surrounding the packet of rice there were lots of dead, dying and live mites. i had to clean them up with my hands (gloves on of course) but still it was just SICK. the floor was super greasy, dirty and ewwwwww. so i scrubbed and scrubbed till finally about 70% or the filth went away. The rest just couldn't come off. probably from the prolonged staining. Initially i wanted to mop the entire house as well, but i decided that the kitchen was enough work for the day. DAMN good training to be a housewife man. the BEST part is..I DON'T EVEN USE THE KITCHEN.

*PS. i PASSED my advanced theory! i'm gonna start taking practical lessons soon :)

Back in Sg for half a weekend

2008-09-17T22:27:00.004+08:00

It's good to be back! (but only for 3 and a half days though) The flight back home was quite ok, i slept through most of it. Then at the last 15minutes of the flight i woke up and observed the view out of the window. I kinda looked forward to the pilot driving through the clouds. cos each time it happens, the plane will sorta jerk. i know, i'm a saddist.

kor and mom came to pick me up from T2. then we went home to drop off the luggage and say hello to SKY. :) :) she's grown so much fur!! she looks like one big fat furball now.

we went to ichiban@esplanade for lunch..then went to harvey norman at millenia walk to get stuff and use up some vouchers. kor wanted to go to funan so we ended up at harvey norman again over there. i bought a new mp3 player! it's the creative zen mosaic. will try to upload a picture of it now, here goes:

yup there it is! it's 2GB and can store pictures, videos, songs. It has an FM function and microphone function as well. The buttons are pretty difficult to navigate with, but i think i will be able to manage in time to come. and the best thing is, it costs only SGD99.

Things i gotta do ASAP:

Study for Advance Theory test
Do online mock summative 2
Finish studying Antimicrobial therapy III
Revise pathology
Revise endocrine (sem1)
LOSE WEIGHT

I guess that's all for today, i'm probably going to sleep soon. have been sleep-deprived for the past 2 days. Will update more tomorrow!

I MISS YOU WAICHEONG

GET UP again

2008-08-28T18:07:00.003+08:00

Now's not the time to get all emotional and stuff. But guess what, not that i can help it. Constantly getting laughed at, made fun of. Feeling the sense of helplessness and at the same time a little loneliness. Amidst all that, there's still a slight bit of anger. It's not easy to be myself when the world demands more than that. I don't want to be superficial, being all happy when i don't want to. Being all nice when i actually don't freakin give a damn. That's the only way that i can ever be true to myself. But what happens when that's not what people want? Waicheong told me, in society that's just the way it is. In our jobs, in school, in LIFE. You have to please people. you have to be nice when you don't want to be. Can't just shout at someone, like your patient or something, when you're having a bad day. TRUE. you just have to give more than you feel like giving. which is the hardest part.. as much as i want to be helpful, nice, caring, concerned, whatever, it irks me if i'm just giving for the sake of it, out of obligation, out of guilt, or whatever else other than giving cheerfully.

Some people might ask me what the hell i'm talking about. "Everyone likes you, Cheryl!" but heck, the reality is, people, not everyone can like you. I can safely say that not many people other than my family actually TRUELY give a damn about me. Even though some people say that they don't care what others think of them or whether tom dick and harry like them, they actually DO CARE. no one is a SAINT. please lor. and everyone needs attention no matter how much they say they don't. ( maybe i sound abit like the Loa Loa worm that's Lack Of Attention. ok whatever. screw that.)

Maybe i was just born like that. I really don't know what went wrong along the way. It's been like that since jc 1st 3 months, poly, all the way till now. I'm not good with people. I really have to admit that right now. my socialising skills is close to NIL. i'm not good at being a leader, or talking in front of a group of people. i like to be in a small group of people, and yet can't really be alone or function by myself. i'm a complicated person, so much that it turns into weirdness. I don't really have much talent, not much that i can be proud of or at least use as a consolation for myself. Thinking about it, i am nothing.

But Waicheong, being that darling he always is, told me SO WHAT? you have God. isn't His love enough? yup. His grace is sufficient for me.

Still, i can't help but think: this still doesn't justify putting me through whatever this is. Well, not like whatever i say is gonna help anyway.

Screams

2008-08-28T14:29:00.002+08:00

FINE then people, FINE!! zzz

can't access SILOS, can't submit air topic..

i guess i really DO have a weird introverted personality thus making people not so interested in talking to me.
OH WELL. i'm really fading into the background. really.

angry!

2008-08-26T17:22:00.002+08:00

I was waiting for waicheong in the elab while printing notes for HIM . but he says he's already at the mamak. then it's always see me tmr see me tmr..ALWAYS like that you know.. I'm always the stupid person. so angry!!!! ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh feeling so stupid again. i just want to go home.

What a bad day.

2008-08-22T18:15:00.003+08:00

Last night we went over to xiaowen's place to watch The Prestige. i watched that one before already but still found it super confusing. Got bitten by the stupid mosquito at least 10 times that night. Only got home at around 1.30am? That's why i got up quite late this morning.

Anyway, the highlight of today is of course the fact that i failed my CPR theory test. I really don't know what i can say about that. i think i derserved to fail. honestly. didn't really study much, and wasn't really feeling well on the day of the test itself. however, there was an uproar about the test results because more than 70 students failed. apparently this is some stunt pulled by the school because they can't find better ways of extorting RM 40 from students. (for the resit exam we gotta pay 40 each.) So anyway, rumour has it that the school deliberately failed us so as to get the money. MY STAND is.. yea it's very easy to believe that the school has been doing this for the past few batches. and YA why else would they schedule a resit timing before even testing us. obviously because they know there'll be a set number of failures. however, in my case, i probably REALLY failed so no big deal for me.

I'm having quite a bad headache right now probably cos we had futsal training at noon today and i had to rush home to take a quick bath before rushing back to school for lecture at 2.45pm.

grrr it's been quite a bad day, and i still have yet to catch up on my lectures.

my goal for this year: study hard and so i won't regret failing.

going for dinner now!

Earth Escapade

2008-08-21T20:33:00.000+08:00

I guess this is where I'd be penning down my thoughts from now on. Don't want to use the msn space anymore because I think that a new and fresh start would be good :)

Currently, I'm giving myself the next 8 minutes to finish up writing this entry. After which, I will have to go back to the books.

OKAY, can't really think of much to write about so i'll just write about my day.
Well today i got up pretty early because there was Microbiology Lab at 8.30am. We ended up looking at a bunch of pictures and case studies. The lab tech probably was instructed to scare us that we need to do lab reports and it is examinable. Everyone just ended up taking photos of the case studies. I didn't have my camera phone so i was copying the stuff by hand.

Went back to take a nap..and then just like that, the entire morning was gone.

I had 2 lectures today, first one on epidemiology which was quite boring honestly. But the 2nd lect was pretty eventful. I got picked on by the lecturer because i was using my laptop and he thought i wasn't listening to him. He asked me something abt the Malaysian Healthcare system

Dr. XX: "what are you doing"
(panicking already, i turn the laptop to him and show him that i'm actually taking notes for his lecture)
Me: "looking at the lecture"
Dr.XX:"ok. KL is under what?"
Me: (OMG what?) "er. I don't know"
Dr.XX:"how can you not know what KL is under.. Where are you from?"
Me:"singapore"
Dr. XX:" oh ok. then you are excused"
(haha)
(dr. xx points at timothy and asks him the same question)
Timothy:"er. I am from singapore too"
(points at gajun)
Gajun:"i'm from sri lanka"
Dr. XX:"OH all the international students sit in the front rows, what happened to the malaysians??"

so he just goes on and on about the malaysian healthcare system. and along the way he scolded someone for saying that singapore has less infant mortality rate because it has less births a year. i don't really get why he scolded that guy. but in my opinion, Dr. XX is just pissed off cos more than half the batch wasn't there for his lecture.

ok that's more than 8 minutes already. gtg. one last thing..

Can't wait for Mom and Dad to arrive next weekend. yay!